Cutting with the vampires
by eefjepas
Summary: When Edward left, Bella's heart was broken in thousand pieces. She started cutting to hold the pain away. But now he's back and she can't stop. Can he help her? Dont like, dont read!
1. Chapter 1

**autor note:**

**hi guys, this is my first story, so don't get mad if it's bad... I also apologize if the grammar and spelling are very bad. I'm not English, and I don't have to speak it very often ;) I hope that you enjoy the story**

_**Me: I want to own Twilight.**_

_**SM: NO**_

_**so yeah, I don't own Twilight *yet***_

**XXX**

**summory**

**this is a story about Bella who cuts herself. when Edward leaves, she is alone and very, very broken. she thinks by herself that she is not good enough for him, and that's why he left. what happens when Edward and the family came back. and can they help her, or is it to late? -warning: CUTTING. don't like=don't read**

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**BPOV**

It's friday, the last day of school is coming to a end. I only have to survive gym, and me, as a clumsy girl, is gym one of the hardest subjects on school. and especially because Edward is not in this class. Edward, the one that I love and will give my life for (not that I have to, because he is a vampire of course). The one that left me broken in thousand pieces and who came back to me when I lost all hope. my head is somewhere far from school when I went in the dressingroom for gym. when I pull my shirt over my head, everyone went still for a second. I saw Jessica and Lauren looking to each other before they left. I know they saw my scars for a second, but I don't care about them, I only hope that the Cullens don't know it yet. gym went by in minutes ( it was basketball, and that means that I have to sit on the bench and look at other people play.) I walked out of the dressingroom without falling over somebody's shoes and there he was, my own god. Edward waited for me with a little bit worried look, but tried to mask it. I looked at him, but he only smiled and said that we are ging his house. I agreed about that, because I haven't saw Esme In about 2 weeks. I really miss them, even Jasper, who I don't really know. but I'm also scared that they are going to notice, because, you know, vampire eyes and smell and so...

When we sat in the car, Edward looked to me. 'Whats wrong?' I asked. But he smiled nd kissed me lightly. Nothing, my beautiful, I just love you so much!

TBC

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**yeah, I know it's short, just getting started guys, oh yeah, sorry for the cliff :D with three reviews I go on!**


	2. Chapter 2

**hii my readers.**

**thanks to the people who read te first chapter. virtual pancakes for all.**

**i'm sorry if there are any grammar spellings errors. **

_**me: can I NOW own Twilight?**_

_**S: Never.**_

**so yeah, I don't own Twilight... :(**

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we arrived at the Cullens mansion shortly after our talk (because Edward rides so fast I almost get a heart attack ). Esme and Carlisle, the most beautiful and nice parents you can think of, stand in the door opening waiting for us. Carlisle pets me on my shoulder and says hi to me, and Esme gives me a hug. Just seconds after the hug comes Alice from somewhere in the house with Jasper behind her. Alice grabs my arm and I grimaced in pain. She had grabbed the arm with my cuts on it, some of them freshly made. Jasper gave me a strange look. Shit, I almost forgot he could read my emotions. I shake my head very lightly to him, but of course Edward noticed (stupid vampire eyes). He leaned towards me and whispered in my ear: ,,what's wrong love? Are you hurt?'' I shook my head, because I didn't want him to notice. I saw him giving a worried look to his dad, but he shrugged. We went inside where Emmet stood very still. I walked suspicious towards him, and when I almost could touch him, he jumped in the air with monkey sounds. I yelled and ran to Edward. He just laughed and kissed me. Rosalie wasn't in the house, because otherwise, she would say stupid things to me, like I'm not worth anything. she didn't liked me at all. after a few hours of talking and laughing (and eating, because Esme made dinner for me!) Edward and I went to my house. Charlie wasn't home, so Edward could come inside with me. Charlie doesn't like Edward, what is stupid, because he is my everything. Once we were inside, Edward and I went to my room, and laid on my small bed. He kissed my head, and told me he loved me. ,, I love you to my angel.'' I said to him. He sat up and sighted. I need to go hunting tomorrow, I´m so sorry, but i have no other choice, He said. My heart stopped for a second. He didn´t know I couldn´t be alone. That is when my feelings for cutting started. But he must go. His eyes were so dark that I´m a bit scared that if one of my cuts opened, he would smell it and couldn't resist my blood. I have to be strong for him.

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**oooh, I'm want to know how this is going to end. I know a little it about how I want the story to go, but if anyone has a good suggestion, PM me!**

**I had like 50 readers and 2 reviews? come on guys, you can do better. otherwise you don't get a virtual pancake!**

**love you, have a nice day and see you soon!**

**Eefjepas xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**hii my dear readers, **

**OMFG more than 100 viewers of my story?! thank you so much guys. virtual cookies for you today.**

**i hope you like this chapter, I wrote this a bit quick so sorry if there any mistakes!**

**me: OMG, I totally want to own twilight!**

**SM: NO, its my story!**

**Me: wait for it SM, wait for it... huahahahahahaha... (evil laugh)**

**so i don't own twilight yet.**

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It's Saturday morning, 10 AM. I woke up without my angel next to me. I panicked but then I remembered that he was hunting. Not that that was a better thought, but I now know he hasn't left me. I went downstairs and saw that Charlie was already to his job. This is going to be a long day, I thought by myself. When I made breakfast, I heard the little voice in my head that I only hear when Edward wasn't with me. You're not worth anything. Edward will leave you soon. he isn't hunting, he is just seeing a other girl who is more beautiful than you. You are fat, ugly and weird. Tears started to fall from my eyes. I wasn't going to survive this day. I stopped making breakfast and went to shower. When I stood naked in front of the mirror, I saw every scar. Some of them were almost faded but some were red and fresh. The voice went on and on. I know there was only one way to stop the voice. I picked the sharp razorblade between my fingers and stepped into the shower. I pushed the razor on my arm, and made a few moves up and down. The water soon started to turn red, and I felt a kind of relief over me. I stood there a few minutes when I decided what to do next. My tummy growled like a massive whale, so I decided that I was ready to eat something. As soon as I leaved the shower, I heard my cell phone ring. I ad left it in the bathroom so I picked it up and there was the most beautiful sound a human ever heard. Edward. But he sounded worried. Edward asked; are you hurt? Alice saw you under the shower… my heart missed a few beats, and I began to shake. I hadn't thought about Alice. I need to lie myself out of this, this is going to be a hard time...

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**don't you love cliffies? i also don't... I try to upload ASAP but with easter and school i think the new chapter is online over 3/4 days...**

**love you guys, and till next time!**

**Eefjepas**


	4. Chapter 4

**hii guys!**

**i'm so, so sorry that it took me so long to upload this. i made this really fast, so there will be errors in it.**

**for Faith Bow: Yes muhahahaha, Cliffies! i'm so evil, here, take a cookie :) thanks for your reviews!**

**there are a few different ways to hurt yourslef, but DON'T USE THEM. it is not a tip!**

**I know a way to take over Twilight. why don't we all go to SM and say that I need to own them, so I don't have to write these notes :)**

**but for now, I don't own twilight :S**

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''Uhm, hi Edward. There's nothing wrong love. I, uhh, I cut myself with shaving, it was nothing, really!'' I told him. But of course he didn't believed me. ''Bella, you're a terrible liar and you know it.'' He said to me.'' I'm coming home right now!'' Damn, I thought. ''You don't have to, I'm alright.'' ''No my Bella, there's something wrong and I want to know what it is. I'm back tomorrow. And don't you dare to go away or do anything stupid. When I'm back, we are going to talk.'' Then the phone went silence. I heard a constant beep so I knew he was on his way back. He must been far away, I thought by myself. Maybe in Europe? Then it hit me. Fuck, he is going to notice. Maybe Alice had told him everything already. Well, maybe she didn't. I'm not going to tell him. There has to be a way out of this. Maybe I can say I have these scars because I fell? Oh wait, we have Jasper… damn, there is no way out. i hope he isn't angry. That's when I heard that voice again: ''what will Edward think about you? And Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme? Even Emmet would think you're weird. Rosalie is right. You are nothing, you don't mean anything to Edward and the rest of the Cullens. She was right with everything she said!'' I panicked. Shit, this is a perfect time, isn't it. That voice destroyed everything for me. I almost picked the razor again but then I heard Edwards voice in my head: don't do anything stupid. There has to be another way. I thought and thought. I then noticed that my nails were pretty long. I scratched them over my skin. The pain was nothing by the pain of the razor, and there only were a few red lines, but it was something. I also did a rubber band on my wrist and snapped it. It hurt a lot. And there it was. A new way to hurt myself…

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**if you liked the story, please review :) **

**I'm going to work at my homework... (help meeeee)**

**xxx eefjepas**


	5. Chapter 5

**hi guys.**

**this is my new chapter. i wrote it kind of fast so im sorry it isn't really good.**

**me: why can't i own twilight SM ?**

**SM: because Edward is mine!**

**me: cries in my room a couple of days.**

**that's why I don't own twilight**

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The day went by in seconds. Charlie had called to say that he went fishing with Billy and he stayed there the night. I cooked a little meal for myself, where I tried to not listen to the voice who told that I was fat enough already, and made my homework. Before I knew it it was night, time to go to bed. That night I slept restlessly. I dreamt about the Cullens.

Dream.

I walked to the Cullens house. In the garden stood Edward waiting for me. He was covered in scars, what was very weird, because he can only have scars from vampire bites. Behind him stood the whole Cullen clan. They looked very angry to me. Out of the nowhere Edward ran towards me and pinned me to the ground when I fell. The Cullens stood around us. Then Edward talked to me: ''it's all your own fault. We're leaving you again because of your scars!'' than the cullens backed away from me. Edward gave me a weird look and let me go. Before I even could blink they were gone.

End dream.

I woke up shaking and crying. I tried to stop but it didn't. In this kind of situations I usually cut myself, but now Edward can be back in every minute and I didn't want him to see my new scars, I picked my rubberband and snapped it a few times. There were a few red lines but they are going to fade soon. I went out of my bed to eat a bit. I didn't want to shower because I didn't knew how late Edward was here. then I did the tv on for a bit of sound because I was alone. There I waited for him to come home. Charlie was still by Billy so it was really quiet exept the sound of the tv. Half an hour later I had new clothes on and was downstairs again. Another half hour later the doorbell rang. I walked to the door and opened it. There in the door opening stood Edward. ''bella, what's going on?'' he asked…

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**hmm, i don't really like this chapter. it's mostly written because I want to make the fear that Edward is going to leave bella clear.**

**Ican't upload a few days because i'm going on a holiday :)**

**bye my dear readers**

**xx eefjepas**


	6. Chapter 6

**hii guys,**

**yay, a new chapter. i had a great holiday. but it's nice that i can upload again.**

**me: hey SM, I can own carlisle right?**

**SM: no, you can rent them for your stupid little story, but he will be mine forever.**

**Me: boehhh**

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I stood there, and couldn't say a word. Searching in my mind for an excuse. Edward who also stood there in the door opening waited for my answer, which I couldn't give him. When he realised it that I wouldn't answer his question, he picked me up and went to my room with me in his cold, strong arms. When we were upstairs, he sat with me on the bed. 'Bella'; he said,' I know that there is something wrong, I saw it in Alice her vision, and I can see the fear in your eyes.' My heart raced like it was my last minutes on earth. 'Ed.. Edward, you know there is nothing wrong, why would I lie to you?' but of course (damn me, terrible liar) he noticed. 'You can choose, or I'm going to take you to Carlisle right away, and tell me everything after, or, you can tell me first, and then we can go to Carlisle. Either way, you have to see my dad. This is not right Bella. You are doing something wrong.' I couldn't speak. This was too much. Edward realised that also because he took me in his arms and hugged me. 'shhh my dear, it's going to be alright. Come on, we're going to my house now.' To stressed to reject, I let him bring me to his car. When we arrived at the house, Alice stood outside waiting for us. 'I'm so so so sorry Bella, but I don't want trouble.' 'It doesn't matter Alice.' I said. 'It's not your fault.' She let us trough and we walked to Carlisle's office. He told us to come in before we could knock. When we got inside, I saw that everything was set up already. Carlisle greeted us and told me to sit on the medical bench. Edward took my hand and Carlisle reached for my sleeve. He rolled it up and I closed my eyes, but I could hear them both gasp in horror.

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**ahahahaha, here you go Faith Bow, another Cliffie :) thanks for reviewing! you can have a virtual cookie later.**

**bye guysss**


	7. Chapter 7

**he guys.**

**this is just a short chapter, i'm so sorry for that.**

**my life feels like a rollercoaster. sometimes i feel like everything goes up, and then out of the nowhere it goes down with a huge free fall.**

**there is just so much to deal with the last time. I'm sorry that the story isn't the best, but it's just a bit emotional for me to write this, but on the other hand, i'm dealing with a lot of stuff just to write. that's why i'm so glad for the lovely reviews from Faith Bow ;), decadenceofmysoul and inredrainboots. I love all my readers and you bring me laughing when I don't want to.**

**so, that's a real long note hahaha.**

**as always I don't own Twilight :P **

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I heard the door close and I opened my eyes. I saw Carlisle alone in the room. 'Where is Edward?' I asked. 'He is blowing off some steam.' Carlisle said. He looked at me with his golden eyes worriedly. 'Bella, why are you doing this?' he asked. 'euhm, there is nothing wrong Carlisle, I can stop any moment.' Carlisle sighted and sat next to me. He laid an arm around my shoulder, like a father would do with his daughter. That moment I broke. Normally I'm not a person who is very emotional but this was too much. I cried and Carlisle soothed me. 'We can fix this Bella, but you have to tell me why.' I could hear that he was becoming a little bit annoyed because I wouldn't talk to him. 'Bella, you are going to talk to me now.' I looked away but he lifted my chin so I had to look at him. 'I, uhh, I'm not feeling very well since a few months.' 'When started this Bella?' 'Since you guys left…' and then I broke again. I cried for what felt for hours, and in that time, Carlisle held me and said nothing. When I was finally done, I felt exhausted, like I had run a marathon. Carlisle picked me up and laid me in the bed in Edwards's room. He kissed my forehead and said good night.

The next morning I woke up and saw that Edward lay next to me. He looked worried, but when he saw that I was awake, he smiled and kissed me. And for that moment, I hoped that I never picked my razor.

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**so, i'm sorry it's so short.**

**Faith Bow; don't you like cookies? you can have a lollypop?! :)**

**bye lovely readers.**


	8. Chapter 8

**hii guys.**

**next chapter woehoeee. **

**life doesn't like me I think, there is so much going on. but I write this anyway so won't let you guys down :)**

**as always, I don't own f*cking twilight, but when I own them, I will be a vampire too :)**

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I stood up, and walked to the window. What I saw was beautiful. There was a really big layer of snow and everything was white. I felt Edward move behind me and whispered in my ear; ''school is being cancelled because nobody can go out of the door. Carlisle is also at home and Charlie knows that you're here. He doesn't know about what happened with you,but you have to tell him soon. and I want you to talk to Carlisle about your situation.'' ''Thanks, good morning too.'' I said. He smiled and said good morning. he gave me a big kiss and told me that there was breakfast downstairs. I was unsure because by this time, everybody would know about my little problem. Edward saw my struggle and said that everybody knew, but they loved me the same. A bit shy I walked down the stairs and immediately felt some strong arms around me. By my surprise it was Emmett who hugged me. ''Can't.. breath!'' I told him, and soon he let me go. He smiled at me with a heart-warming smile and I knew he wasn't mad at me. He was just worried. When I walked in the kitchen, I saw that someone had set my favourite cereals and a glass of milk on the table. alice sat next to it and looked a bit disgusted to my food. Jasper stood behind Alice and hugged her, his face in a worried look because he felt that I was sad and scared but I smiled at him and he returned it with a small smile. I ate slowly, but that didn't matter to Edward and Alice. Jasper had left the room quickly when I sat down. Alice talked with me about every little thing that came up in her weird pixy mind and when I was finally done. Edward said that Carlisle waited for me in his office. I looked at him with a sad face, but he had a stern look on his face. I wasn't going to get out of this, so I walked upstairs again without falling, what was very good from me. There I knocked on the door that led to Carlisle's office. He said that I could walk in. he sat behind his bureau and said that I could take place in the chair on the other side of the bureau. I looked at my hands and waited for him to start his lecture and felt a few tears pushing to come out of my eyes. but he only sighted and in a second he was on the other side, next to me and took me in a hug that felt like hours. And in that time, I cried for my life…

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**the snowstorm I had to do because i didn't want them to go to school, what would slow the story.**

**thank you so much for the sweet reviews, they put a smile on my face ****every time.**

**love you!**


	9. Chapter 9

**hii guys,**

**im sorry that this took so long, i just hadnt much inspiration. I don't know if you like this story anymore, but if you don't, just say it plz.**

**so, a long update :) this is about Bella's little talk with Carlisle ;)**

**I don't own Twilight :(**

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When I was done with crying, I felt that Carlisle was looking at me. I looked away but I felt his cold hand under my chin pushing my head up, so I had to look at him. His eyes were sad, full of worry and concern. ''Bella, we are not going to leave this office before you say what Is going on!'' he told me. Those words. It felt like he was mad at me, and when I tried to look away, I felt that he held my face up. ''Carlisle, I just don't want to talk about it. I will stop, and we can leave this all behind us.'' I said to him. ''no Bella, don't you realize that we are so worried about you? You're so thin and it looks like you haven't slept well.'' Also, look at your arms, and tell me then that you're totally fine.'' He said sarcastically. I could feel that my defensive self came up. ''no Carlisle, I think we are done here. I really don't want to talk now. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm not crazy or something, also, when I will tell everything, you guys will realize that I'm not good for Edward. You guys will leave again and there is nothing that I can do about it.´´ I whispered the last part. Finally, that was said. It was something I was worried about from the time that Edward and the rest came back. That they will realize soon I was dangerous for them. Every fight, every vampire they had to kill. It was all because of me. If I died, they could live in peace again. Of course, they will be a bit sad, but that will go over. Alice and Jasper won´t stop loving each other. Rosalie and Emmett will ruin all their rooms when they are having some private time and Edward will find another woman, a vampire who wasn't dangerous for them. And Esme and Carlisle won´t stop loving their kids. It will all be the same… I thought. But when I looked at Carlisle, I saw he was MAD!

´´ISABELLA MARIE SWAN, if I ever hear those words again from you, you will regret it so much. Young lady, maybe we weren't clear enough? You want to know how everybody felt when we needed to leave you? Emmett became serious, no more lame jokes and laughs. Alice had lost her best friend, she was crying without tears every time I saw her. Esme didn't want to go outside anymore, she was locked in the house and felt like she lost her own daughter. Jasper couldn't deal with his emotions, and all the emotions from us. He mostly was in the woods, where he was alone. Even Rosalie knew this wasn't good. She saw our family fall apart. And I, I lost my daughter, my beautiful, brown haired, stubborn daughter, who I love so much I will die for her. Edward couldn't handle it and we saw him almost never. And you say we will leave you again. Bella? if you ever think something like that EVER again, I will have to punish you…'' and with that said, he hugged me tightly.

At that moment I knew they wouldn't leave me, but my guilt was even higher because of all the sadness and hurt I created.

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**so, that was it for now, I will update soon. also, check out my other story, weekend with Carlisle ;)**

**please review**

**xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

Hii guys, i'm sorry to say but this story is cancelled for the time being. I just don't have the feeling to write anymore and I hope that feeling will come back someday. For the time being, I love you guys and I hope to see you soon.

Love

eefjepas


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